Stop Pitching. Start Connecting: Why Your Messages Fall Flat - and What to Do Instead

You’re Putting Yourself Out There - So Why Does It Feel Like Nothing’s Landing?

You’re doing the “right” things.

You attend events. You meet people. You follow up. You send thoughtful messages to mentors, speakers, potential collaborators…

But all you hear back is crickets.

Or worse: a polite “nice to meet you” - and then nothing.

It’s exhausting.And after a while, it starts to feel personal. You’re not just burned out - you’re doubting your approach, your value, maybe even your voice.

Let’s be clear: the problem isn’t you.The problem is how we’ve been taught to network.

We’ve Been Conditioned to Sell Ourselves - And It’s Backfiring

Most outreach today sounds like this:

“I’m building X, I’ve spoken at Y, I’ve been featured in Z… can we talk?”

It’s basically a CV in paragraph form.Impressive? Maybe.But effective? Not usually.

Here’s why it often falls flat:

• It’s me-centered, not mutual.

• It lacks context - why this person, why now?

• It feels like a transaction, not a conversation.

In a world full of noise, people don’t respond to a list of credentials.They respond to connection.

The Hidden Cost of Brag-and-Beg Networking

When your outreach starts with a spotlight on yourself, you’re asking for attention before earning trust.

Even if your goal is genuine - to learn, to build, to grow - the message still reads:

“Here’s everything I’ve done. Now, what can you do for me?”

That’s not how relationships begin.That’s how requests get ignored.

A Better Way: Lead with Relevance, Not Résumé

Want to get real responses from people you admire?Start by shifting the focus from your story to shared story.

Here’s a simple 3-part framework to reframe your outreach:

1. Start With Them

Mention something specific about their work - not just flattery, but resonance.What did they say, write, or build that made you stop scrolling?

2. Show the Overlap

Explain where your paths align.What challenge are you both solving?What mission do you both care about?

3. Offer Before You Ask

Even a small gesture - a resource, an idea, a connection - creates goodwill. Show that you’re not just asking, you’re contributing.

From Cold Contact to Warm Connection

Let’s be honest: most professionals are busy.And no one owes you their time.

But when your message shows:

• You’ve paid attention

• You care about what they’re building

• You see yourself as a potential collaborator, not just a consumer…

You’re no longer another DM. You’re a relationship in the making.

🔁 Stop Playing the Numbers Game. Start Building Real Bridges.

If you’re tired of follow-up fatigue and dead-end outreach, here’s your new mantra:

Don’t pitch. Align.Don’t rush. Relate.Don’t ask, “Will you help me?” - ask, “Can we build something better together?”

That’s how opportunities open.That’s how allies find each other.That’s how networking becomes meaningful.